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"Fathers, Turn your Hearts to your Children" 2 Samuel 13
#5 in series, "Raising Kids of Character"
by The Rev. Clancy Nixon
June 15, 2008 -Father's Day
Church of the Holy Spirit
Ashburn, Virginia
www.HolySpiritAnglican.org
[Opening homily] I'd like to ask every father here to come up front and stand in
front of the altar rail and face the congregation. Dads, please come forward, I have a
word for you.
Every child longs for his or her father's blessing. It is written into the structure of
the universe that this task, that of blessing your children, must be fulfilled by the father.
Dads, think back to your own childhood. Did you not long for your father to spend time
with you; to look at you with love and admiration; to tell you he loves you; to tell you
that you had what it takes to be a man? Think of Jacob and Esau, those twin brothers
who vied for their father Isaac's blessing. We thank God that fathers today can bless all
their children, both sons and daughters, with similar blessings!
This Father's Day, I want to ask you dads not only to receive today, but also to
give something to your children. You will receive later, after my sermon, but as leaders in
your homes, I want to ask you to initiate the process of blessing in your families. First, as
god's representative, I'll pray for you, that you will be blessed to be a blessing to your
children and to all younger people. Then, we'll ask your children who are present to
come forward to receive a blessing from you. Let's pray first for you first...
Today, this is how I'd like to ask you to give a blessing to each child of yours:
First, place your hands on your child's head or shoulders and say to them by name, "I
love you, Will" or "I love you, Sam," or whatever you child's name is. Then in one
sentence, name something specific that you are proud of your son or daughter about.
Then bless them in the strong name of the Trinity. So it would look like this. Will, please
come here so I can demonstrate. "Will, I love you. With hard work, you have persevered
and earned yourself a place at a fine university. I bless you, in the name of the Father, the
Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen." Dads, Will you do that with each child today? We'll all
do it together. I'd like to ask everyone else in the congregation, all the women and the
moms, to be praying for this process as it unfolds...
[Message in Series] When someone pens what they know will be their last words
to someone else, we know that they have a particular importance. Listen to the words that
God chose as the closing message of the Old Testament, from His lips through Malachi
his prophet, chapter 4, verses 5 and 6: "Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before
the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD: And he shall turn the heart of the
fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite
the earth with a curse."
So the final two verses in the Hebrew canon proclaim that God's ultimate saving
action in this world is predicated upon on reconciliation between fathers and their
children. When fathers and children turn their hearts toward each other, then they will
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be reconciled. This verse assumes that generational reconciliation needs to happen that
a genuine heart connection will have been lost between fathers and their children.
Malachi prophecies that there will be a heartfelt alienation between generations in the last
days, that God wills to change the trajectory of family members' heart affections back to
the family. Indeed, Malachi implies that before the end will come, the hearts of the
fathers and the children must be reconciled to one another; if they are not reconciled, then
the earth will be smitten with a curse another translation has it that the country will be
destroyed.
This is message #5, the final message in my series on parenting called "Raising
Kids of Character." In this series, I've taught how dad and mom cannot outsource
character development of their children, since kids will do what their parents do, not what
they say. Even when your children become teenagers, teens say that parents have more
influence on them than any other person. When Malachi speaks of reconciliation
between fathers and children, it falls to fathers to take the initiative to turn their hearts
to their children first, before the children have turned their hearts to back to their fathers.
Yes, I say back to the fathers, since each child begins life with a heart turned to her
father, hoping for his blessing, seeking his affirmation, longing to spend time with him.
Notice that in the last days, it is the fathers, not the mothers, to whom God calls to
be reconciled to their children. I believe that this emphasis reflects the reality that
mothers are more likely to care more deeply about their children than do fathers. It's
because the way of the world is that so many fathers are absent, or present but
uninvolved, that widespread reconciliation between fathers and children is a sign of the
end times coming of the Lord. Once fathers assume their godly role in leading their
family, all other family relationships are freed up to proceed properly.
That lesson is taught in the story of King David and his son, Absalom. Turn in
your blue pew Bibles to page 307, to Second Samuel chapter 13. Chapters 11 and 12 tell
the story of the affair of David and Bathsheba, the murder of her husband Uriah, and the
Prophet Nathan's rebuke of King David. David is the man whom Scripture calls "a man
after God's own heart," the man who wrote most of the songbook of Israel in the Book of
Psalms. Yet Scripture teaches us that even this man who loved God is capable of great
sin adultery and murder and his family life is an absolute mess. His lust is out of
control; he has hundreds of wives and concubines because as King, he can. He is an
absent, passive father presiding over an enormously complex family system.
Absalom and Tamar were full brother and sister - David's children by the same
mother. Amnon was David's son by a different mother, and as the oldest son, Amnon was
heir to the throne. Amnon was obsessed with lust for his half-sister Tamar, who was
beautiful. So he lured her to him by trickery, by pretending to be sick. Then Amnon
raped Tamar. Before this, Amnon could think about nothing but Tamar, but now that he
had her, he transferred his own self-hatred onto her. Once Amnon had dishonored
Tamar, he despised her. She told him he had one chance to salvage this horrible
situation: he must now marry her. Instead, he threw her out. Tamar was dishonored and
disgraced, her shame was overwhelming; now no one would marry her, since she was not
a virgin.
It is hard to imagine a worse way to treat a sister. Tamar's life is ruined, so she
goes to live with her full brother Absalom. Absalom and David are furious; but David is
a delinquent father, and gives no punishment to Amnon, his heir to the throne! At least
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none is recorded in the Bible. At the very least, David should have required to marry
Tamar and to restore her honor. But David neglects discipline, and a sordid chain of
events follows.
Absalom does not speak to Amnon or David about it, but lets his anger fester. He
resents his older brother, not only for what he did to his sister, but also because Amnon
got away with it. Notice here that Absalom has a real choice of how to act here. He does
not have to resort to violence; he does not have to curse and destroy. He could have gone
to his father, David, and said to him something like this: "You know that there is no
excuse for what Amnon did to Tamar. That is shameful enough. He gets off Scot free,
and you don't get it how that makes your other children feel! You don't seem to care
how Tamar or I feel about that it seems like you don't love us. Do you love me, Dad?
Why won't you bring justice for Tamar?"
What courage that would take! What risk and daring! What faith in God's
reconciling love. But it is easier to stuff it all down inside, and that is what Absalom does.
It can be easier to hold it in and explode than to confess you need your father's love. But
Absalom has Amnon killed. And he flees his father for his mother's hometown, since he
has killed the king's heir. Back to mama's skirts! He stays in Geshur for 3 years.
At the end of that time, 2 Sam. 13:38 says David's heart went out to Absalom
with longing, for he became reconciled to the death of Amnon. David called him back to
Jerusalem, but David insisted that he not see Absalom for another 2 years. David could
have called his son home, and told him something like this: "I am so glad to see you!
Let's put all this behind us. You were wrong to kill your brother, but as I forgave him for
dishonoring Tamar, so I now forgive you." David could have said now, "Absalom, my
son, my son!" Instead, David says these words of love only after his son had rebelled
against him, split the kingdom, and lay dead on the battlefield. The reunion scene
between the 2 of them after 5 years of exile is one of formality -14:33 Absalom
prostrated himself before the king, and he greeted Absalom with a kiss. That's all? After
all this longing? A casual greeting, like shaking hands, between men in the Middle East
today. The true feelings of these men hide behind their sense of what men are supposed
to do.
Absalom pulls off a revolt, David fears for his life and leaves the city, and a great
battle ensues in which 20,000 are killed. David orders that Absalom not be killed.
Absalom dies anyway, and that is when David cries out, "Absalom, O Absalom, my son,
my son! I should have died instead of you." In their pain and fear, Absalom and David
locked out God and gave death the power over their life together. Absalom's very name
embodies the bitter irony of the story, for it combines the words meaning "Peace of the
father."
How can we respond to this? How can we avoid David's negative example with
his family? We can start by turning our hearts to our fathers and our children. This
turning begins with forgiveness. Many of us need to forgive our fathers, our mothers, or
our siblings. No matter how badly you father or mother may have sinned against you,
forgiveness is a choice! Do you see any of the characteristics of King David in your
father? David was wonderful in many ways, but today we see him at his worst. Perhaps
your father was distant, or absent, or abusive, or a skirt-chaser, or a drunk. I know that
many of you longed for your father's blessing, but you never received it. Statistics tell
me that several have never heard your father say to you, "I love you."
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If you are one of those, hear these words from your heavenly Father: "I knew you
from before you were conceived. (Jeremiah 1:4-5) God is not distant and angry, but he is
the complete expression of love. (1 John 4:16) God is your provider and meets all your
needs. (Matthew 6:31-33) God loves you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)
When you are brokenhearted, God is close to you. (Psalm 34:18) He rejoices over you
with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17) Everything good that we receive comes from his hand.
(James 1:17) In Jesus, the love of the father is perfectly revealed. (John 17:26) God says,
I have always been Father and will always be father. (Ephesians 3:14-15)
The truth is that our earthly fathers and mothers who hurt us were unable to give
us all that we needed because their parents were similarly handicapped. Our parents have
their own unhealed places, and we bore the brunt of that. I'd like to lead us in a prayer
from your handout. This prayer assumes that you have begun to see both your need of
healing, and that of your parents. Let's pray together this prayer from the author Leanne
Payne:
"Father, I thank you for creating my father (or my mother) in your image. With all
my heart, I forgive him for not becoming all you created him to be. I realize now that he
needed the healing that I am even now receiving. Some way, somehow, Lord, as I accept
and forgive my father, may his life as it has been handed on to me become all You ever
intended it to be. Lord, I do forgive him as he is, an unhealed and needy person. There
but for your grace, I would be. I thank you for the real person you intended him to be,
and in your name I will affirm it whenever I see it. I look to you now for the affirmation
I always wanted so badly from him. Love him when you can, Lord, through me." Amen.
Now let's take some time to affirm and honor our fathers for all the good things
that they are and do.
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