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"Bear Each Other's Burdens in Discipline" Galatians 6:1,2

#4 in series, "Raising Kids of Character"

by Clancy Nixon

Church of the Holy Spirit

Ashburn, Virginia

www.HolySpiritAnglican.org

Parenting is difficult and wonderful at the same time. There is nothing Ginger

and I've done in our lives that has stretched us more, sent us to our knees in prayer more,

or that has been more rewarding. I don't know about you, but Ginger and I didn't receive

an instruction manual when we brought our newborn children home from the hospital.

Fortunately for Christians, God has given us a manual for our lives, and that is the Bible.

Ginger and I searched the Scriptures, and found some good advice on raising our

children, some general principles, but I admit that the Bible felt kind of thin on many of

the "rubber meets the road" issues of parenting. It just did not say that much about it.

This raises a more general question for us: What do faithful Christians do when the Bible

is thin on a particular subject?

First of all, we follow what the Bible does say such as this principle from

Proverbs 23:13 and 14 "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with

the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death." This

verse tells us that there are times when a parent rightly spanks his child for the health of

the child's soul. But notice what this Scripture does not tell us: when spanking is

unnecessary; how and when to administer a spanking; and how to distinguish spanking

from child abuse. After you examine what God has to say on a subject by examining the

Scriptures, and find it thin, then you do practical theology: you reason from scriptural

principles, and learn from your own experience and that of wise believers. You ask your

elders about it, and you read trusted authors who write with a Christian worldview.

So Ginger and I read many books on parenting: the ones we liked best were Dr.

Dobson's Dare to Discipline, and Cloud and Townsend's Boundaries for Kids. When I

started as a parent, I thought that spanking was unnecessary, since my parents did not

spank me they used Dr. Spock's methods, like most everyone else at that time. All my

mother had to do was look at me cross-eyed and say "Clan-CY" and I'd melt. So did my

sisters, for we were all compliant children. When I found that hairy eye-ball method was

not working with my first-born, I ran to Dr. Dobson. Thank God for Dr. Dobson! Dr.

Dobson taught me the priority of expecting respect and obedience from our children; how

discipline starts with a warning, then progresses to a time-out, and finally to spanking; he

taught me to spank firmly but with a gentle spirit. Dobson taught me not to start

spanking until a child is 18 months old, and to stop by age 10; He taught me not to spank

in public and not to spank someone else's child.

I remember one particular difficult time that the Nixon family had at church

when our boys were little it seems a lifetime ago! One of our "precious darling sons"

was acting defiant and disobedient. I had to carry him out to the parking lot, with his legs

kicking, and we had some "vigorous fellowship" in the back seat of the car. Spanking is

necessary when a child is defiantly disobedient, and other discipline methods haven't

worked.

I'm in a message series on parenting, and this is message #4, which I'm calling

"Bear Each Other's Burdens in Discipline." In my earlier messages, I said that parents

cannot delegate their responsibilities as parents to raise children of character. God gave

that responsibility to Dad and Mom, and they can't duck it, because children will do what

their parents do, much more than what they say. So parents are responsible; but it is also

true that parents need help in raising their kids. [raise hand] Can I get a witness? What I

want to address today is a few ways that you, whoever you are, can come alongside

parents to help them raise children of character.

Open your blue pew Bibles to page 1155, Galatians 6. Paul the Apostle says at

Galatians 6:2 that we are to "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Let's say that aloud together, with the address at the end: "Bear one another's burdens,

and so fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2" This includes parenting. The assumption

that lies behind this command is that we all have burdens, and that God does not mean for

us to carry them alone. Some people try to. They think it is a sign of strength not to

bother anyone else with their burdens. Friends, that's not a Christian attitude; it's a Stoic

attitude. Christians are both to give love, and to receive love. The "law of Christ" that

Paul speaks of in Galatians 6:2 is to love one another as he loves us; that was the new

commandment that he gave us in John 13:34. So to love one another doesn't mean

anything particularly spectacular; to bear another's burden is to do mundane, everyday

things for them. For example, you bear their burden when you offer to babysit for them;

when you buy them a book relating to their needs; when you take them to lunch, and just

listen to them. When our kids were little, Ginger and I quickly realized that we parents

needed a break, a rest. Little Will was awake every night, every other hour for an hour for

over a year. So we found other families who we could swap evenings of babysitting with

so we could have an occasional date. When the boys were older, we found a Christian

couple so we could each take a short vacation away from our kids! We left our boys

notes and gifts from us to open every day. They didn't suffer irreparable harm! Galatians

6:10 says we are to particularly concerned to do good to believers. If you are looking for

a way to bear the burdens of another, offer to babysit for a young couple in church.

Another way we bear each other's burdens is by correcting a believer gently. You

may wonder, what does correcting other people have to do with bearing one another's

burdens? If you look at Galatians 6:1, you'll see that correcting an erring brother is the

specific context in which Paul mentions the general principle of burden-bearing. 6:1

says, "Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him

gently." The word that the NIV translates as "sin" does not mean a deliberate sin, but a

slip, a fault, an error. If a man falls, a Christian's duty is to help him get on his feet again.

The Greek word Paul uses for "correct," katartizo is the same word used of a surgeon in

repairing a broken limb. The stress is not on punishment, but on a cure. Paul says that if

we see someone doing something wrong, we're not to stand by and do nothing on the

pretext that it's none of our business. Kids, neither are we to run to the teacher and tattle;

and adults often need to re-learn this lesson from Kindergarten - nor are we to run to the

Pastor and tattle. Nor are we to gossip about him to the congregation. No; While Paul

does not give much guidance on how to correct an erring brother beyond doing it gently,

Jesus gives us more detail in Matthew 18:15-17: we are to go to the erring brother face to

face and privately, speak the truth to him in love, and so to restore him. That's what we

are supposed to do. But most often, we don't. We neglect it, we run from controversy, we

flee contention, and why? I think it's because we lack courage. It's hard to do; it's

painful; it's messy; and yet this is the surgery that the master physician has prescribed for

the malady of sin in the body.

What does this have to do with coming alongside other parents? Let's say our

verse aloud together again from Galatians 6:2 - "Bear one another's burdens, and so

fulfill the law of Christ. Galatians 6:2" Friends, hear me: sometimes, I need you to

correct my kids, and you need me to correct yours. That's true for all of us. We can't

always be right there when our kids need correcting. If you ever see one of my sons slip

or fall into error, you have my permission to correct him with gentleness. I've had a heart

for years to see our entire congregation adopt that same small town ethos in dealing with

each other's children. When I was little, growing up in the small town of Carnegie,

Pennsylvania, if I did something wrong at my friend Bob's house, Bob's mom scold me

herself, send me home, and then she would call my mom, and I'd be toast before I got

home. Of course, it's even more important to love and encourage each other's children.

You'll have lots more credibility with any young person in correcting them if you've

taken the time beforehand to encourage them. If a child is acting up in our church or is

running through a gaggle of adults in the hallway who are holding hot cups of coffee,

please just step up and step in and have a word with them! Parents, it would be helpful if

we could all publicly support other adults in their attempts to discipline our children,

even as we support our mates in discipline when we disagree with the way they handled

it. This teaches our children that different authority figures have different standards, but

that we need to learn to meet those standards. Can we just agree to do this here in

church, and at church events? Amen!

A woman named Sue needed a man to step in to discipline her sons, who were not

obeying her. The problem was, her husband was away at a Conference, and his

admonitions over the phone weren't working. So Sue did a wise thing: she called a man

she knew well, who came over and put the fear of God in her boys, like only a man can!

She had a prior agreement with that family about disciplining each other's children.

Parents, listen to me: Have you talked to the parents of the kids your kids hang out with,

to get agreement about discipline? If not, you need to.

Adults often fear that children will not like or respect them if they exercise

discipline. The reality is the opposite. When school children and teachers were surveyed

on things that could be better about their school, the need for `more discipline' ranked

highly for both teachers and students. Children do not respect adults who are weak and

indecisive, because they depend on adults for guidance and boundaries. Without

boundaries, a child is unhappy and confused, and the first to receive his disrespect are the

adults closest to him. On the other hand, children do respect adults who set clear and

consistent boundaries, and stick to their word. Children may, on the surface, object and

complain, but underneath this exterior, they respect adults who are firm.

Galatians 6:9 says, "Let us not grow weary in well doing, for in due season we

shall reap, if we do not lose heart." Never give up in exercising both love and discipline.

God will produce a harvest of righteousness in you, in your children, and in our church,

as we fulfill the law of Christ, which is to love one another. He loved us first. Never

forget Christ's great love for us. He gives us what we need to love one another. Amen.