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Who Cares #1: "Who Cares About Your Marriage?" Ephesians 5:22-33

by Clancy and Ginger Nixon

March 4, 2007

Church of the Holy Spirit

Ashburn, Virginia

www.HolySpiritAnglican.org

[Clancy speaking]

A man had a mild heart attack, so he took his wife with him go to see his doctor.

After talking to the man, the doctor takes the man's wife aside in a separate room and

tells her that her only hope of preventing another, probably fatal, heart attack is to remove

all stress from her husband's life. The doctor tells her that the good news is that if she

does these few things, it will keep him alive. All she needs to do is cook him three

delicious home-cooked meals every day; keep up with all the housework; never show

him disrespect; and be available for romance every night. The wife nods and thanks the

doctor. On their way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor said to her in

private. The wife thinks a moment, then tells him, "Bad news, honey. The doctor said

some confusing things, but the bottom line is that you're going to die."

If you are married, I have a question for you: Who cares about your marriage?

Who really cares? If you read the papers, it appears that there are plenty of people who

care about the institution of marriage, which is taking a beating in our culture as well as

in our legal system. But apart from you and your family, who really cares about your

marriage today? And if you're not married, who cares about your relationships? The

truthful answer is, "God cares; and we care." Let's say that together: "God cares; and we

care." God cares about your marriage. The Church of Jesus Christ cares about your

marriage and your relationships, and our congregation, Church of the Holy Spirit, cares,

too. We'll explore how in this message. But first, I'd like everyone who has been

married for thirty years or more to stand up now. If you have been married thirty years or

more, please stand. Friends, these are heroes in our church. Let's give them a hand in

appreciation! These older couples model for us the faithfulness of God in their marriage.

Thank you!

During March, our church is joining over twenty other Bible-believing churches

in Loudoun in the "We Care Campaign." Many people in our county have had

experiences that lead them to believe that no one cares about them. People are cared for

primarily through their family, so I am focusing these messages during the We Care

Campaign on the family. We begin today by looking at marriage, holy matrimony, which

is the God-given building block for family life and for all of society. Next week we look

at Who cares about family more generally, in week three we look at who cares about your

children, and in week four we look at who cares about you. Then after Easter, we'll

return to our look at the fruit of the Spirit, and how you and I can look more like Jesus in

the quality of our character, so that our relationships are ones of harmony. This year,

we're focusing on relationships.

Who cares about your marriage? If you're not married, who cares about your

parents' marriage, or the marriages around you that affect your life? First and foremost,

God cares. We know that God cares because God created and ordained marriage in the

first place. Look with me at Matthew Chapter 19, starting at verse 1, on page 975 of your

blue pew Bibles. The Pharisees came to Jesus to test him, and asked him a question on

divorce that was a hot controversy in his day and ours. They wanted to know if he

thought it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all. You see, the law

of Moses in Deuteronomy 24:1, page 194, said that a man could divorce his wife if "she

became displeasing to him because he found something indecent about her." The two

schools of interpretation in Rabbinic Judaism, that of the more liberal Hillel school and

that of the more conservative Shammai school, differed on this question. Shammai held

that "something indecent" meant that the only allowable cause for divorce was marital

unfaithfulness. Hillel emphasized the preceding clause "a wife who becomes

displeasing to him," concluding that a man could divorce his wife for any reason

whatsoever, including burning his dinner. In those days, a divorced woman found it very

difficult to remarry, and could be reduced to penury and begging. Interesting how the

more liberal interpretation gave the wife less protection I think Jesus' heart of

compassion for women comes out here as he takes the more conservative view. Jesus

took the side of Shammai here, but notice how he does it. He points back to God's

original intent for marriage found in Genesis 1:27. Jesus said, Matthew 19, verse 4,

"Haven't you read that in the beginning the Creator made them male and female... and

the two will become one flesh?"

Jesus is showing us here that God cares for your marriage by giving us His word

in the Bible to guide us. Friends, God cares enough about our marriages to give us a

marriage manual! He asks the Pharisees, "Haven't you read?" He expects us to read his

Word, and to apply it to all of our lives, including to our marriages. The Bible is a very

practical book, touching all of everyday life. It contains ancient wisdom that is no less

true today. This verse reminds us that God created us male and female, and his original

intention was that all marriages in all cultures would be lifelong and faithful unions

between one man and one woman. God cares about marriage so much that he put serious

boundaries around it in Matthew 19 to protect marriages from premature dissolution. In

my lifetime, divorce law in the United States has shifted from the Shammai school over

to the Hillel school's interpretation, permitting divorce for just about any reason. As a

child of divorced parents myself both my parents were married four times I know

firsthand that marriage protects children. If my parents had been born again and been

members in a Bible believing church, they would have known God's purposes for

marriage, they might have stayed together. God cares about marriage so much that he

warns us in Matthew 19:9 about the wrong reasons for divorce and remarriage. For those

who find themselves in such remarriages, God cares about you, too, and there is

forgiveness as you confess your sins.

God cares about marriage because marriage is a picture of the relationship

between Christ and his church. After quoting the same passage from Genesis and

Matthew, the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5:22, page 1159, tells us that the marriage bond

is a one flesh union that mirrors the relationship between Christ and his chuch. The Greek

word for united (to his wife) means glued to her. That is how close we are to our mate,

and that is to be how close we are to Christ. So if you don't want the glue, then don't say

the "I do." The picture of steadfast love and faithfulness of a husband and wife who have

been married for many years, represented by those who stood just now, is a picture of the

faithfulness of God to us.

Not only does God care about your marriage, but we care. The people of God

care, and this congregation cares. When the church is working right, we who are the

church support each other in our marriages. In our marriage rite, we ask this question of

everyone who witnesses the vows of the husband and wife: "Will you who witness these

vows do all in your power to support these persons in their marriage?" If we were

honest, most of us would admit that we have not always been faithful to discharge these

promises of support for married couples. We can do better at this. This is the work of the

whole people of God, not just the pastors. Among other things, this means that when

someone comes to you and complains about their spouse, remember that you have

promised to support them in their marriage. If anyone comes to me looking for support

for leaving their marriage, I will do my best to support them personally. I will listen to

you with compassion and help you to face your problems, but I will also do what I can to

support your marriage, always praying for reconciliation, because God hates divorce. In

Matthew 19:6, Jesus said, "What God has joined together, let man not separate." Sadly,

there are a few cases when I sometimes do recommend temporary separation, such as

when there is ongoing abuse. If your husband or wife, or father or mother hits you or

abuses you, please let me know about it privately. If you find yourself doing this and

need help, know that there is hope and healing for you. We care about you, and we care

about your family.

Some of you might wonder if the church really does care about your marriage,

when you read that the marriages of born again believers end in divorce as much as those

of the population as a whole. While that is true, it does not tell the whole story. The truth

is, the greater your Christian commitment, the less chance you have of getting a divorce,

and the better chance you have of having a thriving marriage. If you go to church

regularly as a couple, you have a small chance of divorce. Couples who both go to

church and pray together regularly almost never divorce!

Husbands, I want to encourage you as head of your home in this. Paul speaks

about male headship in Ephesians 5, and the Greek word for head is Kephale. This

headship is not so much about being in charge; headship is about taking the lead, and in

military terms, it's about being the point man who leads the patrol through the jungle.

Husbands have the responsibility and privilege to take the lead. Guys, let me ask you

this. When you were courting, didn't you take the lead to invite your wife out on dates

that you arranged? This same principle of leadership still works today in your marriage.

Take the lead to pray with your wife. Start small maybe just one minute a day, in bed

before sleep, or over cereal at the breakfast table. This takes courage, guys. I know that

this idea of praying with your wife makes some of you uncomfortable. If you are not sure

what to say, join the club! That is one reason why we have the Book of Common Prayer

just go to the daily devotions for individuals and families, and read those prayers. But

take the time to do it together. If you can, say out loud the things your wife has shared

with you that day in summary form, and ask for God's help.

Wives, I encourage you, as Paul does in Ephesians 5:33, to respect your husbands.

The King James version says you are to reverence him. Even when he does not deserve

it! This is your part. Husbands are commanded to love their wives, and wives are

commanded to respect their husbands. See Ephesians 5:33. Most wives understand the

need for unconditional love. Sure they do, that is their God-given need! Ladies, God's

word says that you need to give your husbands unconditional respect. Respect is how

husbands hear love. Respect him by refusing to cut him down. Wives, it is not your job

to keep your husband humble. It's your job to honor him. Tell others how you respect

him for his work, and for his character. If you need to be thanked for cooking a special

dinner, do you think he needs thanked any less for the great job he does in providing?

Every husband longs for the respect and admiration of his wife. If you want to help your

marriage, tell your husband regularly how much you admire him for what he does. Three

or four times in our marriage, Ginger even told me that I'm her hero. I remember each

time she said that. It may sound corny, but it works. Try it and see. We called the older

couples heroes earlier, and it worked then. Try it at home.

There are many things that the chuch does well in supporting marriage. Today, we

have many resources that can help couples strengthen their marriages. We're running The

Marriage Course right now on Friday nights. Ginger and I really enjoy these times

together. Over the years we have read many books on marriage, gone to many marriage

retreats and taken the Marriage Course. Every time we do this, we learn something we

can use. This winter, we've agreed to plan our date times farther in advance so that we

get the kind of quality time we need. I've asked Ginger to share a few ways that God and

the church have cared for our marriage...

[Ginger speaking]

How has the church cared for my marriage? First, I have a Pastor, husband and best

friend who cares about marriage and thankfully wants to learn new ways to strengthen

and grow our marriage. We have each seen the benefits of going on marriage courses,

reading books, and simply learning about God together. Honestly one of the ways

Clancy loves me the most and makes me feel most secure is by having time alone

with God himself. This really makes me feel loved.

Second, most of you in this room have been friends and Christian brothers and sisters

supporting me and us in our marriage.. You have prayed for me, cared for our children

so we could have dates or time away, you have brought meals like Beth when Clancy's

father died, or a date night with Pam and Scott as a Christmas gift. Beth, Joanne and

Joanne have supported my marriage by supporting me each week with tasks for the

church and my family. Rosemary and Nora and so many others of you have cooked for

the Marriage Course or the Alpha course supporting my marriage and sharing my

responsibilities and load. Taking the load off my back. And as I write this I also am

reminded of many of you who have lovingly cared for our sons while we went away for a

date or weekend. About 10 years ago when we were our poorest and pretty stressed

while Clancy was in Seminary, my father gave us a trip to Italy. Two families we knew

from our church connections, the Meiers and the MacGowans, cared for Will and Sam so

we could have a much needed rest. We later reciprocated with them and cared for their

children. Many of you here have done the same for us. When the church is working

right, that is how we all care for each other, how we support each other in marriage.

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. My marriage has been supported by you, my

family.

Third, I have an Accountability Partner, Talley Hess, and a few others who listen and

hold me accountable to turn to the word, pray, set goals. Just last week Talley told me

about a great book she is reading on Marriage called Love and Respect by Dr Emerson

Eggerich based on Ephesians 5. I went out and bought a copy of it yesterday and we read

part of it in preparation for today. I think I have already learned some things about men's

deep need for respect that I hadn't understood before and I have already applied it in my

marriage and with Sam this morning. I learned to view what I do or say through a filter

asking "Will this show respect to Clancy or will he feel